Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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