I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
