apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
