just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
