How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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