Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
