I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize