so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
