I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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