i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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