When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
