Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
