woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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