Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
