i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
