you thought your balls were fighting each other...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
