WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
