And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
