we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
