Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
