I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
