There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
