This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
