my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
