we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
