I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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