drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I think my vagina is haunted
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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