It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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