At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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