Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
