They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize