Your tits are I can't wait for
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
