dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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