Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
