they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
