Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
