I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
