You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
