Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
