Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
