Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
