So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I love you.
Bad choice
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
