you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
