I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
