I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
