So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
