On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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