Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I made him laugh his dick is mine
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
