I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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