Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
