Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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