I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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