I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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