My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
