I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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