so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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