the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize