I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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