Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
