He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
