All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
