perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize