Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
only you would photoshop your dick
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
