My boss' voice literally gives me gas
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Enjoy the penises
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
