Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
