You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
