I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
