Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
