just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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