she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
